On Unrequited Love (Maelinhon)

A thought for the article “Thinking about scumbags”.

I’ve been working with mantic systems for over 18 years. I prefer Lenormand, as a more convenient system without unnecessary clutter, but I have no less experience with tarot. And over the years, I’ve heard so much crazy stuff from clients that I could write memoirs in the spirit of “Their Struggle”. But I look at it from a practical perspective: what can I take away from this madness for myself, contemplate, examine? It’s essentially ready-made patterns of people’s behavior, their thinking, their actions. If you’ve seen even a couple of thousand, you’ve practically seen them all, and you immediately recognize patterns and answers in new questions.

Let’s talk about marker problems. That is, when a situation itself is not a problem, but only signals that something is wrong with you personally. Through such problems, planetary energies and the psyche demand attention to something very sharp that you are completely ignoring. And for many years in a row, people are different, conditions are different, but your situation is repeated 1 to 1.

I’ve already written about the problem of priorities in card spreads. Today, I want to write about unrequited love and its metaphysical reasons. Priorities, by the way, are also a super interesting topic. It’s when N has a burning desire for marriage/children/a home, and their chosen one (K) only has work/career/money on his mind. And he just blinks in confusion and grumble, “Yeah, okay, let’s do it sometime…” And the question for the tarot reader is: what does K think about, what plans does he have for, what does he want from. You make the spread, and you realize that K doesn’t even think about it, doesn’t want anything from anyone, and his head is completely preoccupied with something else. What you’re asking about is not even on his radar, he is completely indifferent to it, at least at this stage of life. That is, for you, it’s issue number one, and the whole world revolves around it, but for him, it’s number 56 in terms of importance. Somewhere on the level of buying laundry detergent and planning a trip to the countryside.

Also, here go problems like “He/She is the light of my life, the whole world to me, but he/she doesn’t notice me”. You try to impress someone, gaze into his/her eyes with devotion, give gifts, and he/she completely ignores you. In imagination, there are whole worlds of a happy life together, but you open your eyes, and the world brutally demonstrates a cold reality: you’re not needed to this person. No matter what you do, you don’t appeal to them or interest them.

Why? It’s not their coldness, it’s not a problem with your appearance or actions, it’s a marker. For you. A red light in your head, signaling that you need to reconsider your desires and goals. The universe answers you “no” to your requests. It delivers this through other people, meaning if you want it, and they don’t give it to you, it’s an answer from the space, not the person. If you achieve what you “want” (actually, don’t want), if you force this issue at any cost, it will be much worse. Because you haven’t solved the root problem, you’ve just added another layer on top.

Imagine this: You take a rope and tie your legs together. For some reason, maybe you were raised in a family where this was the norm. You tie them well, from the heart, so tightly that they go numb, and it becomes terribly uncomfortable to walk, everything hurts, you have to shuffle in tiny steps. It’s hard, but you persistently walk like this for years because “everyone does it, what else can I do?”
You feel bad, but you don’t untie the knots. You start to dream passionately about special shoes that will make it more comfortable to walk with tied legs. Or maybe glasses that will let you see something if you put a bandage over your eyes. In short, you’re looking for a crutch to support an unnatural configuration.

If you find yourself in a situation where your emotions and feelings, desires and priorities hit a brick wall and don’t materialize for years, repeating like a broken record, then your legs are tied. Or your arms. Or your eyes. What seems like the height of passionate desire and the solution to all your problems, but is withheld from you for a long time – it’s shoes for people with ropes on their legs. You think that if you get it, everything will be good and comfortable, but the world is signaling to you that the situation itself is unhealthy and unnatural.

Your crazy desire for this person, or money, or a child, or something else – it’s essentially a desire for comfortable shoes that will allow you to adapt to ANOTHER problem that you’re desperately ignoring. You’ll genuinely feel that your life is simply impossible without it! Yes, technically this person could improve the situation, their qualities are suitable for solving the problem of tied, numb hands. But do you need this in such a format? … Probably not, so the space is diverting you away from the object and hinting at another problem. Free your hands first, then buy gloves for them, not the other way around.

For example, you have a huge self-esteem hole, and you imagine some Prince/Princess who will love you as you are and you’ll finally be happy. And often, people unilaterally impose this sacred mission on someone, like “You John/Mary will be that person for me. Come on, start being that person. You’ll love me now, and I’ll finally believe in myself, I’ll grow, and oh wow, what will happen!”

In reality, nothing will happen, that’s why no merging or event occurs. You’re seeking something to ease the nagging pain of something else. You want to feel like you’re living your life and have goals – you crave children maniacally while completely infertile. You want to feel love and fill the bottomless pit in your chest – you start “loving” someone who is maximally disinterested in you. You want abstract “piles of money” – but for what? To buy junk and status because you don’t really respect yourself and consider yourself a loser? And you constantly need to wear labels outward so everyone sees that you’re not a nobody. You can argue for a long time about who gave you these settings, who instilled something in you, but knowing the source of the problem doesn’t solve the problem, alas.

And you repeat the same pattern again and again, with love spells, curses, some kind of esotericism, financial pyramids, trainings, etc. – to make John fall in love, for a child to be born, for money to flow like a river. It’s all glasses for people with closed eyes.

But what’s your real problem? Yes, you can cast a spell, it will remove John from your head, but in an hour there will be James. Remove James, and tomorrow Sam will appear. Because the underlying problem remains, John is just a band-aid solution. Or a child. Or money. Or something else. Is it OK to use another person, with his own feelings and desires, to fill the gaping void within yourself? I don’t think so. What you really need, what will help you, usually doesn’t require much effort. It either floats into your hands on its own, or obtaining it doesn’t require any suffering, it comes out interesting and relatively quickly. Most often, this thing or this person is already circling around you, you just don’t want to look in that direction.

In divination and metaphysics in general, there’s a golden rule: if a question doesn’t have any fundamental shifts and changes within six months, it will never be resolved. I haven’t seen any exceptions to this rule. Over 6-7 months, the main lines are pumped up, basic adaptations and changes occur, that is, in half a year, any person can take a Step if he really wants to. And if within this time frame, John didn’t propose to you, you didn’t conceive, and you didn’t succeed in earning a ton of money, drop it. Change your goals, strategies, re-evaluate the situation from the perspective of the real problem. That is, if John writes to you and asks how you are, that’s not a fundamental shift, it’s routine. He can write like that for 20 years, there’s no point in it.

The worst thing that happens is when you force your desire into reality with blood and guts, literally ripping this John or child out of the space, pouring all your energy into it. Yes, technically you can achieve almost anything, get John to marry you, have a child. And, most often, you immediately understand “It wasn’t what I was hoping for”. There’s no feeling that anything has changed or improved. I once caught this feeling when I bought my own apartment, which seemed to be the pinnacle and the dreamboat. You sit on the floor, unpack your belongings, and a chill intensifies inside – you don’t feel like you’ve achieved your goal and are happy.

And if you can sell or rent an apartment, you can’t put a child back, and getting rid of a suddenly unnecessary spouse can be even harder.

Because external objects don’t change internal problems. Heal the problems, and the objects will change.

(c) Mylene Maelinhon \ Material from the Marginal Metaphysics Project

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