About Pluto, gangrene, and myself (Maelinhon)
Rather than an article, it’s a stream of consciousness, which is extremely atypical for me. I thought for a long time whether to share this material, it is so… not for everyone in general. And in many ways very personal. You know, I never write anything about myself, my thoughts, my experiences, and I try to avoid such questions. It seems to me, if I want to provide information objectively (and this is my goal), then the talking head does not matter, its importance in the information provided is negligible. Therefore, no matter what I am, where I am from, or how I am. I want to minimize my presence in the materials and show them, not myself, because there is nothing interesting about me, unlike the materials.
But I have accumulated one kind of information, very rare and interesting, which is directly related to me personally. And it is difficult to separate the information itself from its original, meditative form of presentation. Hence my worries.
This summer I was asked a question about cooperating with some powers, and I was a little confused. I was asked if I personally use my subtle connections, and if so, for what purpose. To put it simply, I communicate with the Infernos and the Grahas, but do I ask them for the conditional piles of hundreds of thousands of millions? Fame? Money? Or something else? I do not ask, to be honest. I never thought about it even in this way. In general, I’m an ascetic and a person of passion, I really don’t care about myself or my life here. Yes, I need some money to live on, I need to pay for electricity, buy food and stuff like that, but that’s the means, not the purpose of my life. And I kind of don’t really understand the concept of having the abstract millions of money in general. To do what? If I need something, I’ll find the money, but just that amount, not a million to keep under my pillow.
And what I always ask the “mighty of that world” is… information. I’m not kidding, I never miss an opportunity to inquire everyone about information about themselves, their lives, perceptions, realities, memories… Money is a good thing, but if you think about it, many people have money. And who has any information at all about how Graha perceives the world and how he sees people? Or how King Belial experienced his first love? I mean, that’s crazy interesting, that’s a real revelation that no one else has! And yes, that’s what I ask of everyone. That’s why I have something more rare than money.
I also have a strict rule when it comes to my work: I don’t read, watch, or listen to anything on esoterics, astrology, or other “subtle” sciences. Nothing at all and never, I don’t want to know anyone’s opinion on it, even in retellings. The exception is some material on Chinese metaphysics (charts mostly) and Taoist treatises. It’s not out of snobbery, it’s just that people are so badly and firmly drowned in a mishmash of different concepts, lies, dead-end ideas and schizophrenic nonsense that it’s exactly the case when it’s easier to write it all over again than to look for a pearl in 50 hectares of knee-deep manure. In other words, reading from the subtle and writing down how the world, subtle plane and its matter works will take 5 years of work, while digging through book shit can take a lifetime. Spoiler: there are no pearls there. So I keep my perception of the world intact. My Ajna works on the principle of “you want to know, open your eyes and look, and pull information until you read it.” No easing up, just hardcore. And I also try all sorts of techniques on myself so that I can correctly describe how they work, such as upayas or working with psilocybes..
I have to admit that the huge volumes of information I am sharing are not my own personal archives, and I am not so smart myself. It’s just that generous entities from the other side share it with me. That is, I simply interpreted it and put it into text format. I often talk with Mr. Satelard, with Aal Masaef, with Satanael, with the dalram princes (many of them), and trivially with the devils in the forest, with the grahas… Basically, I talk with everyone I can and greedily collect these pearls from around the world. There are few who talk to dalrams, and they are very flattered by it. But I do have one very special, beloved companion whom I will tell you a few secrets about today. He is Pluto’s Graha, Domaha (he calls himself so, I don’t know why).
Over the past 3 years, I’ve been conducting a massive experiment with planetary upayas and doing them for every planet in my natal chart. On the one hand, I wanted to solve my personal problems, but on the other, I couldn’t miss the opportunity to talk to a whole slice of the rulers of space, to go through the awesome planetary quests, and have fun in every way possible. Most of the grahas worked with me, completed the tasks I set, and said goodbye. Except for two. Chandra personally became interested in me, and I periodically find his presence, clues, and easter eggs in the space around me. And Pluto. Domaha, for some reason, was deeply and seriously interested in my humble person, and given that this graha administers a slice of transformation, war, decay, and the worst aspects of life… it was alarming.
I have an autistic disorder and perceive the world in a very peculiar way. More by touch and smell than by sight. I don’t remember faces, I don’t remember names well, but I remember who smells like what, and that information tells me more than the name. Have you ever been to a brewery? There’s always this disgusting smell in the room where the beer is fermenting… Hot metal, yeast, fermentation, and something else, indescribably nauseatingly sour, with a note of decay. Something similar smells like gangrene. Don’t ask me how I know what it smells like. I do.
That’s what Pluto and its slice of space smells like.
I started to occasionally notice a similar smell (not physically, of course) around me, and at the same time Graha started to answer my questions sometimes, we even had a couple of long conversations with him. To answer is not the right word… It is a contact in meditation. His response consists of images, smells, sensations, partly words and sounds outside the window. He often came in my dreams in some form, sat down, smoked, and we chatted, but always about me or my business. And at some point I suddenly thought – what if we changed the subject and talked about him? How does this graha see the world? Does he remember his appearance? How does he spend his days, how does he feel, how does he see humans and non-humans?
Domaha was slightly surprised to hear such questions. Of course, he works with various practitioners in Jyotish, and he even communicates with certain entities, but everyone always talks only about themselves. Never about him. That’s why I noted down a dozen dialogues over the summer with such questions. It’s not a direct speech, but rather an adaptation to make it clearer, but it seems to me that this format of presenting my active meditations is very unusual and interesting.
M – What do you look like?
D – I don’t really have a physical appearance, I am a combination of parts, processes, objects, even words and ideas… It’s probably difficult to imagine being multidimensional. When you are everywhere at once, and just shift the focus of your attention to different sectors of yourself. There’s more of me here now, and yet I’m still in millions of places and points. There’s just more of me here now. Sometimes, you see me as something, but in reality, it’s just your perception of me trying to adapt to forms that are understandable to you.
M – Is that how all grahas and multidimensional beings see?
– This is how all grahas see, but grahas cannot see what is outside their space. For example, Saturn is yellow, all yellow objects are his objects, but he does not see blue objects or red objects. If an object changes, it moves to another graha and kind of falls out of focus of the previous one’s field of view. This is how all multidimensional ancient beings see. Speaking of people, grahas do not see people at all, do not hear their speech, they only see the combination of their parts in people and their emotional messages. The big planets are big slices of space and their database, Jupiter is ultimately huge, with trillions of trillions of objects all over the worlds. He doesn’t see people, it’s hard for him to see an object smaller than a small city. But he understands emotions and feelings, you have to speak to them with emotions, not words.
M – Do you communicate with other grahas? With entities?
– It’s hard to call it communication, we interact.
M – Can you see people?
– I can see people.
M – Why?
– *long silence* I think I was made for something else, but then they adapted me to this kind of work.
M – Do you remember how you came into the world? Who created you?
– I remember the first time I found myself in space. I just started to be, just like I am now. I remember a huge hangar, a giant hangar with gray walls, there were bright yellow lights and lots of voices. I couldn’t see myself, but I felt like I was hovering in space and there were a lot of others around me, a lot of footsteps, a lot of days passed like that. They walked around me and tried on different roles, laughing sometimes, talking among themselves using flows… Finally one of them suggested giving me such a role. Everyone stopped talking. They were critical, couldn’t accept it. But then, after all, they decided to try it, and I began to penetrate all the objects of my slice. It worked. But I’m a little different in nature, I’m smaller than others and see smaller objects better.
M – Would you say you have a bit more personality?
— Yes, I would.
M – And who were those creatures?
-I don’t know. Someone higher than all of us here.
M – Weavers?
M – People often complain that the Universe hears them, but in a weird way. That is, they appeal to grahas, they want a new job or some kind of benefit, and they get a strange answer that is completely inconsistent with the request. Why is this so? The person wanted love from that lady or a new apartment, but they were given a hamster or their house burned down. And this is the answer to the question and the request! This is a common situation when working with upayas and jyotish.
– The thing is, people often ask for things that they don’t really want. Grahas are huge, they don’t hear what you say, they don’t hear words at all. So, there’s no reason to give them requests with specifics, dates, numbers, names, titles… Grahas are very good at understanding emotions and feelings, desires, and responding exactly to them. For example, you have a difficult life, a bad family, violence, dislike… And you ask the Universe to give you a chance to work at Microsoft. You think that once you start working there, you’ll make a lot of money, provide for your family, and they’ll love you more, that’s your logic. But the grahas…or the Universe or Ma or whoever, they usually hear the request “I want to be loved.” They don’t see anything about that company, they don’t even connect your request with your job because it won’t help you become loved. You yourself don’t see what will help you. And then the ceiling falls down in your house, you have a scandal, you freak out, pack your bag, and leave for another city, and you meet someone there who will love you. Your request is fulfilled. They ask for love, but they want to be appreciated. They ask for money, but they want security. They ask for a home, but they want a child. This is almost always the case.
M – But people are dissatisfied and think that they didn’t get the job.
– Exactly. The Universe (or whatever you call it) hears emotional requests and fulfills them, not the way a person sees their fulfillment.
M – And if I ask a conditional Vasya to love me, then….
– You want to feel loved. That person is unlikely to give it to you, so the desire will never be fulfilled. But that’s not what you really want. If there is a path to that purpose, it will be fulfilled immediately and without any problems. If the request is not fulfilled within a few months, it means that your rational purpose does not coincide with your true desire.
M – Fantabulous. People still often curse the grahas and the gods for not interfering in something, for allowing something to happen… How do you see it?
– People like to personify various automatic processes and powers, attributing some kind of reflection to them. Graha is a piece of space and elements, more a database and a computer than a being. Graha is automatic and objective. Does it bother the database that one of the trillions of files has false information written in it? No, it does not know what is true and what is not. To a computer, a file with falsehood is just a +1 file, the computer will not tell the user that the file is false or that it is harmful to the country in which the user lives. It’s a base, there’s +1 file, +3 files… Graha sees the objects of his slice, their classes and number, the interactions between the files nobody cares about. If one country attacked another, then for graha the army generals are no different than the zucchinis in the kitchen garden, because both are in the green and cyclically grow and then cyclically die.
М — So, any process from the planet’s perspective is just a rendering of events from a pile of objects and data.
— That’s right. The grahas themselves don’t reflect, they don’t know how. If you turn to them for help, they correct errors in the database in your memory sector. But they don’t see you, and they don’t really evaluate you. It varies, of course… There are more personal grahas, but there are few of them in our galaxy. Sometimes I look at particularly interesting moments. I descend, condense in this sector, and observe the events in which I am involved.
M – What is the meaning of life?
– It’s about developing upward and building yourself.
M – Why?
– Because everything else can be lost. You can lose anything at all, except yourself and your level; no one can take that away from you. Everything else comes and goes, it has no continuous meaning.
M – Are the myths about the grahas real? The Indian ones, for example…
– Complete nonsense. It’s an illustration for the people of antiquity to make it easier for them to understand. The grahas do not have the level of personalization to walk with their feet on the ground.
– How is your day organized? Do you live somewhere? Do you eat something? Are you in a relationship?
– No, it’s all from your world. I live simultaneously in billions of points in space. I have no body or home, I just exist everywhere and instantly, in every process that concerns me – I am. My life, thinking, nutrition, work – it’s all one and the same process, flowing from one format to another. But I can focus on a particular segment of reality or a specific individual. So I’m still everywhere, but in some point, I’m more present than in others. This makes me slightly different from others – sometimes I observe something or someone, entertain myself with something. But my life is not at all like what you’re used to understanding it as. It’s probably very difficult to imagine, but it’s also not easy for me to understand how someone who is one-dimensional and corporeal lives, I don’t know any other kind of life.
М — Why me?
— Why not? No one in the world has done anything like this for a long time, and I find it interesting also for my activity. This is one of the few things that I find entertaining.
М — Why?
— My segment of space includes everything that living beings don’t want to see, things they hide, deny, or fear… You bring it out and throw it in their eyes. I find it amusing to watch other people’s reactions to this information. It’s like a splinter, it’s my job to see splinters, to operate on them, it’s MY thing. A splinter enters the body, it has bacteria on it, it begins to rot, the bacteria devours the flesh, pus comes out, and on a wave of pus the foreign, evil element leaves the body. Or a black, rotten thought enters the head and fouls everything there.
М — Or feeling?
— Or feeling. A black, poisonous feeling enters the heart like a splinter, and the dimut deteriorates, rots from within.
М — Does your slice include it all?
— Yes, this is my sphere of life and activity. I see these harmful processes as part of myself, but my purpose is to stop them where it’s possible. To educate the idiot who is infected with sick ideas. To remove the splinter, to cleanse the wound. To show one’s own self to an evil heart, so that it may be horrified and transformed. So I am the pus, but I am the transformation. I am pure change, I am the very purification and growth upward.
М — To truly understand purification, you must first get yourself into a mess…
— Yes. But all I want is for everyone to become pure and higher than they are now. And elevation is often only possible through a flaw, through the realization of one’s imperfection and the acceptance of the need to work on it.
М — The Greeks called it hamartia.
М — Are you not upset that you were made this way and don’t see anything else? Wouldn’t you like to leave, do something else? Change yourself?
— No, I don’t feel resentment or wishes. This job is neither better nor worse than any other. Sometimes I want to focus and I do it, but it doesn’t go beyond my activity.
М — And what about physical decay? Abscess? Gangrene? Is that all yours?
— This is all mine. An abscess is a natural result and culmination of flesh putrefaction. Something foreign gets in, the transformation and struggle process begins, the pus comes out, and the body is cleansed. In the same way, the mind is cleansed, ready to accept its imperfection and change for the better through pain. If a splinter doesn’t produce a result, I can come in a more intense form to exacerbate the problem and force change through wear and tear.
М — Do you take pleasure in other people’s suffering? Do you understand that you make everyone suffer? From wars, pain, horror… How do you feel about that?
— *thinking* No, I wouldn’t say that. I don’t feel the pleasure of it. I rather empathize, but people find my objects and my influence very frightening because I make them look into themselves. To see their flaws and blemishes as if under a bright light. But… Yes, perhaps I enjoy it when I have the opportunity to crush someone’s exorbitant ego, shattering it with intolerable humiliation. You don’t deserve to stand on a pedestal, but you stand there and lecture others. I like to bring them down in the most cruel and painful way possible.
М — Do you ever feel pain yourself?
— No, I don’t experience pain myself. But I understand how it feels, it’s just inherent in me, I don’t actually feel it.
М — And people always think in terms of “what did I do to deserve all of this”
— It’s not about what, it’s about why and for what purpose. Your flaws and suffering because of them are not a punishment, but a sign that you can use them to rise above and become better.
М — People generally love the concept of “leave me alone, I haven’t done anything to anyone.”
— This is a foolish, naive thought. Every person, every living dimut, is a part of a single puzzle, one side of a cube. Your “good” is someone else’s bad, and vice versa. You disturb someone’s life, and someone disturbs yours. You also help each other in the same way. Everyone is connected to everyone, there are no unimportant, unnecessary, rejected… So you can’t just step aside and live outside of it because a part of the same world cannot exist separately from the world.
М — Some people go to the desert to live…
— That’s silly, too. You all can only evolve through someone. You can only develop through someone else. It is very easy to live in the desert, where no one triggers you, makes you feel emotions, or forces you to solve problems, but there you rot alive. Because there are no people there to piss you off, or that you would love.
М — Regression?
М — I already asked this 3 years ago, but what is my weakness and flaw?
— Self-hatred. There are those whose balance is too much turned inward. Me, me, mine, for me, I am the most important. And there are those who seem to not even exist for themselves. You need to stop somewhere in the middle. Although… you have already come a long way. In general, the one who goes ahead should not be burdened with self-importance, pride, fear, or a desire for profit. All of this rots very well…
М — Did you try to rot me?
— Yes, I am trying to rot everyone. But only those who do not want to remove the rot from themselves will rot. And I really like it when someone sometimes understands the message and is not afraid to look it straight in the eye, to bring it to light, examine it, and throw it away, tear it out of their soul. That’s what gives me true pleasure.
М — It is very painful to look inside yourself. It’s easier to pretend the splinter doesn’t exist than to acknowledge its presence. You know what I think? I think it’s much easier to live poorly and get used to it than to try to live well. You don’t need a lot of intelligence to live in shit, just don’t try, don’t change, and you’ll live exactly like that. Some people even take pride in it! Paradoxically, it’s easier to live in difficult conditions than to solve one’s problems and grow as a person. That’s the catch… That’s why living in shit is unpleasant, but getting out of it is so difficult and long that it’s easier to stay there. And tell everyone about the heroic feat of living in shit.
— I love these guys. My audience.
М — Are you experiencing emotions?
— Well, a kind of analogy, yes. I understand emotions, feelings, I feel music and art, they are pleasant for me.
М — What makes you most upset?
— When the object changes and is cleaned, it disappears from my scope and I no longer see it. I never really see the results of my work. This saddens me because essentially, all I see is dirt. When it is cleaned, I no longer see the object. With rare exceptions, if the object is not in my field for other reasons, such as it itself being a splinter for others.
М — So that’s why you come here…
— It’s highly likely.
(c) Mylene Maelinhon \ materials from the Marginal Metaphysics Project