On Immortality (Maelinhon)

University professor:
— An unfinished essay is not a disaster. The important thing is that when you have children, you finish them! Otherwise, unfinished children come along and bring unfinished essays. And there’s no way to break this vicious cycle.

Yesterday we had a funny conversation about children, procreation, and perpetuating your genes in someone else. A reference to the article “The Tao of Don Juan” and finding yourself.

Humans have this sore spot: not having themselves and goals in their life, they intuitively fear to disappear completely at the moment of their death. They are scared of non-existence to death. They think when they die and nothing remains of them, it’s all been in vain. It seems like they’re right. But there’s a tricky pitfall here.

The vast majority of people today are raised on a distorted monotheistic vision of the world, which creates a very interesting bug in mind when it comes to continuing themselves. On the one hand, they consider everything physical to be some kind of evil, something if not bad, then unworthy and petty, they elevate the spiritual. On the other hand, when faced with the question “What happens after me?”, they somehow try to continue themselves through the physical – by having children, and lots of them. Because such valuable (they’re not) genes could just disappear and that would be it. It’s like that would help them leave something behind, like you wouldn’t be forgotten.

You will be.

Because if you think about it, a personality can only continue and live on in the spiritual. The flesh will die, and the flesh of flesh will also die, there’s no shortage of flesh here and there never really has been. So the illusion about leaving genes is very funny, because most people don’t even remember their great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers, let alone those of other’s. They gave birth to someone and still disappeared, nobody remembers them.

But do you know Plato? Or Aristotle? Of course you do. Those who haven’t read them have at least heard of them. And do you know Salvador Dali? Do you need an explanation of who Einstein or Beethoven is? Let alone Beethoven, Joan Rowling! Marilyn Monroe, Stephen Hawking, Tutankhamun? Napoleon? Have you never felt gratitude for the people who invented the washing machine or the internet? I have. I’m sure that in every sphere of life there are a lot of names that turned those spheres upside down and took life to a new level, some are known by everyone, some by many, but none are forgotten. So, hundreds and thousands of years could pass, but we still remember these people, we know them, we preserve their portraits and what they did for this world. They died, but they are not forgotten and they are more alive than ever. And why?

Because they live on in what surrounds each of us. In ideas, inventions, actions, changes they brought about. They live on in the spiritual. You use things every day that someone invented and that someone achieved before you. In them, you literally see the realization of someone else’s Dao. Donna Strickland, for example, became a Nobel Laureate, and thanks to her, you can have laser eye surgery and, in general, “laser” surgery. The world will remember this just as it remembers William Morton, who, in a broad sense, invented general anesthesia. Someone fought for the rights of people and epochal laws, someone invented things that made life easier, someone invented the engine, someone revolutionized agriculture and fed people. And let’s face it, we often remember tyrants too. Some people killed more people than anyone else, and they won’t be forgotten either. As they say, if you can’t be a good example, be a terrible warning.

So, now, in the 21st century, you still use Aristotle’s scientific classifications and Beethoven’s musical contributions, not because they were someone’s fathers, right? Beethoven and Salvador Dali did not have children, at least officially, and that didn’t affect their immortality. They continued themselves without having children, and we remember them not for their genetics, but for other things.

Even when we’re dealing with a dynasty where “father and mother and son…”, Maria Curie is, first and foremost, a Nobel Laureate and a pioneer in physics, and only then is she the mother of Ir?ne Curie. George Bush Sr. was the president, head of intelligence service, a diplomat, and somewhere at the end of the list, the father of Bush Jr. Because being a father doesn’t define the achievements of that person, it just happened that his heir also became a great person.

But who remembers Aristotle’s father? Or his children? I, for example, have no idea if Aristotle or Alexander Fleming had children or not. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t. We remember them not because they were someone’s fathers. Billions of fathers and mothers on this planet have been forgotten, even if they had dozens of children and their priceless (not really) genes were not wasted. It’s curious that we don’t even remember them for famous people. We remember what they achieved themselves, and that’s an excellent answer to the main Daoist question “Who are you?” and building a personality.
— Who are you?
— I’m the one who invented the engine.

I’m the one who cured the world of cancer. I invented antibiotics. I came up with the car. I fought for women’s rights. I figured out how to make life easier for the sick. I solved the problem of hunger. I invented the dishwasher. Savvy?
And how about that:
— Who are you?
— I’m John Smith’s dad.

Sounds a bit strange, doesn’t it? So, you slept with some woman, she gave birth. Well done, of course, but almost any man in the world can pull that off, what’s immortal about that? Or you’re the woman who gave birth, and all your achievements are good reproductive health. Can you write “Poetics” or invent a new genre in music? What is the purpose of your life anyway? Even if you’re Aristotle’s dad or mom, it doesn’t say anything about YOU. You’re not there in that achievement, even if you were the best father in the world, it’s just Aristotle’s achievement. All you have there is what Salvador Dali sent his father in an envelope. Signed, “This is all I owe you.” He hated his father, yeah, there must have been a reason.

So, personal development and achievements are more important? Immortality lies within them. The essence of immortality, the essence of personality, is not genetics, not flesh, not life itself. You are not your body, not what you see in the mirror, and certainly not your children, who are, in essence, personalities randomly thrown at you by karma. You are what you have made of yourself, and the goals you have achieved. Because in the karmic mechanism and in history, everyone is on their own. The irony is that even Hitler had his own well-formed Dao, but John’s dad did not. And which one of them will be remembered for centuries?

Your goals and your development in general cannot include other people as a basic value, because everyone develops separately from everyone else and has his own personal results after death. One comes into this world, one leaves it. Having worked yourself up to some acceptable level of development, you can then turn your attention to new generations, but remember, you won’t be part of them. They, too, are on their own. If you lived entirely and completely for someone else (a spouse, children, parents), then your efforts and your whole life were in vain, you achieved nothing, you didn’t grow or rise above yourself, you left nothing behind, and you will be forgotten. Because even the most grateful children are a limited circle of people, you will be buried in oblivion along with them. Even being an ideal mother, you only contributed to the development of someone else, but what about your own development?

Now, you might get the impression that I’m taking a radical stance against children. No, I’m not suggesting you to abandon your children or throw any existing ones out into the cold. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t see them as your self-preservation or your life goals. Children are guests in your life, strangers you help survive. And it’s a really volatile thing. They don’t carry you on, and you don’t really have that much influence on their development – tons of people were raised and loved, but they still turned out to be nobodies. Conversely, many great people achieved everything not thanks to their parents, but in spite of them.

So don’t take on more than you can handle, focus on yourself. Never tie your goals and your meaning to other people or non-people. Remember: after you, only your ideas and changes have a chance to remain, nothing more.

Before you have children, you need to bring yourself to a good shape first, otherwise, you’ll have nothing to offer these new people. You’re undeveloped and clueless, and you’re trying to help someone else develop. It’s like the joke about the unfinished essay…

Of course, many people will shout that you can search for the Dao for years, but fertility isn’t forever. I’m telling you: so what. If you don’t make it, nothing terrible will happen. There’s nothing so valuable in your genetics that it needs to “carry on the bloodline”. Be honest: are you really feeling the need to help other people in their lives, or are you just afraid of disappearing? Because in the latter case, you’ll just pass down diabetes, schizophrenia, or hemophilia to someone. And if you want to give something to others, then who cares which children you help develop? It doesn’t have to be your own biological children. From this perspective, all children are the same.

(c) Mylene Maelinhon